ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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