she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
