I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
