Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
