the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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