shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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