ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
