bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize