i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
