STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
