dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
