my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
