The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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