Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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