Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
