I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
