How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
