I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
