I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
