Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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