This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
