grandma shit on top of the toilet
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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