i wish my penis had a tongue
zippers are such a cool invention
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
