He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They took my balls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
