the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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