I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
