so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think i got beer on your cat.
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