dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
vagina is talking i cant
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
