we have pet lesbian snakes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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