Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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