now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
