discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
