Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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