I need help removing her.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
