My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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