Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
