In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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