so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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