All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
