I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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