Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
