i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
