do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
