Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
