i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
