Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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