wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
