i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
