I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
