I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
