She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
