brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
