no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
