but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
