I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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