she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
