Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize