I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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