It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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