there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
