Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
