ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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