Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
