my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
