Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
