I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
