i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
