If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
