Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
