never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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