his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
