He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
