ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize