return my video game
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
