i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
