why do cheetos always look like penises
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
