I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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