Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
