dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
be right there i have to get my cape
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize