i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Welp...herpes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
