You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
