So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
