Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
