Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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