I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
