Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
