he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
