It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Houston, we have a squirter
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
