My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
