Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
