That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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