Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
