yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
