THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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