it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
