he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His nipple licking is glorious
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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