Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
