oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
