rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
