my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
