She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
