I want to walk on stilts...naked
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
