Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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