I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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