seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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