i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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