I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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