shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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