My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
